Straight Jacket Feeling
by Murasaki Kurai
Summary: Dan/Rorschach, ONESHOT, SONGFIC, All-American Rejects: Daniel reflects on the strange, strained relationship between him and his late best friend/lunatic sociopath. RIP Rorschach.


**_Straight Jacket Feeling_**

**Watchmen**

Murasaki Kurai

_Back me down from backing up…  
Hold your breath now it's stacking up…  
Etched with marks, but I can deal…  
And you're the problem and you can't feel…_

The explosion of blood was like fire. It was uncontrollable and without boundary. Your hat flew in the nonexistent wind that was your soul leaving this cold, icy world. Your discarded mask remained on the ground, splattered with the tainted blood of its late owner. Your clothes were nothing, the trench coat was the first thing to have been destroyed, and that silly scarf the next. There was nothing left of them- not even a small thread. But the one thing you held close to your heart, like your life, survived. Your mask never was destroyed.

Later, I took it for myself, but the in moment of your death, I fell to the ground, screaming in agony, at the loss of you.

Did you leave it for me?

_Try this on, straitjacket feeling…  
so maybe I won't be alone…  
Take back now, my life you're stealing…_

Doctor Manhattan must have seen that was what needed to be done. He must seen exactly how it transpired, every word you muttered, every action you took- the very volume of your voice predetermined and witnessed by only his ears. He knew what he was doing. What he did saved the world. He saved the world from you, which should have been done years and years ago.

If I was a true Super Hero, I would have done it myself. I would have seen the horror your face, your _mask, _struck in people. I would have seen past the way I saw the mask. I would have seen how you killed those who did not deserve death, and hated those who did not deserve hate, and I would have taken your life.

But I couldn't.

Rorschach… Did I ever tell you that you were my best friend?

_Yesterday was hell…  
But today I'm fine without you…  
Run away this time without you…  
And all I ever thought you'd be…  
That face is tearing holes in me again…_

Dear god you were crazy.

I'd wager half my life's savings that you were a bigger psycho than the Comedian. You I and both know that's saying something. He ended up a pile of flesh on the street, surrounded by blood and glass from his own expensive window. His blood was washed away, into the sewers. I bet you came up with some creepy metaphor when you saw that going down. Something like- _the blood of the dark hero was carelessly washed into the sewage drains like the piles of worthless whores and bastards of New York City deserved to be_. You nut job. 

Trust you is just one defense…  
off a list of others, you don't make sense

You claimed to me once, when we were partners before we- well _I _was forced to stop crime fighting because of the Keene Act, that the Comedian was the _one _man who really understood society. I didn't know what you meant by that, because, if I remember correctly, I believe our conversation was cut short by a mob of people, angry, and attacking Archie. But, you know… I think you were wrong. _You _knew society better than anyone. You understood what it needed to make it safe, and you carried out your expanded and over-enthusiastic ideas with an iron fist. Never once did you bow down to anyone. Not to the government, not to me, not to some woman… You stood up tall and proud, and did not what a man does, but what Rorschach does.

I still don't know what that is.

_Beg me time and time again…  
to take you back now, but you can't win…  
Take back now, my life you're stealing…_

"You've gotten too soft. Too trusting. Especially with women-"

The words poured out of my mouth before I could stop myself. You had finally come back into my life after six long years of the Keene Act and I was blurting things I knew wouldn't end well. I don't know if I was angry about the last comment he had made, or if I was just in a bad mood for Laurie leaving with Jon.

"God- WHO DO YOU THINK YOU _ARE _, RORSCHACH?!" I yelled, pushed over the limit. "You live off people by insulting them, and nobody complains because they thing you're a lunatic!"

That was the only moment I ever wished I could have seen your face, and only to see your expression, not your identity. Were you hurt? Were you proud? Were you annoyed? What were you feeling right then?

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't… have said that, man…" I muttered out. Rorschach extended his gloved hand, a sign of friend ship, had I not looked deeper into it.

"Daniel? You're a good friend."

_**I love you**_.

Yesterday was hell…  
But today I'm fine without you…  
Run away this time without you...

The one time you ever got caught. The one time you ever lost. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I was dying inside, trying to stay calm for Laurie's sake. I shouldn't have even bothered with her. She was supposed to be Jon's problem. But… I couldn't let her go. I was so lonely, every passing day was hell.

Finally, once I had her, I couldn't take it anymore. I had to save you.

Rorschach… Walter Kovacs. It didn't make any difference. You were my partner and my best friend and I had to save you.

_And all I ever thought you'd be…  
That face is tearing holes in me…  
but today I'm fine without you…  
_

You were leaving so soon?! What, you show up after six years, eat four cans of fucking beans and just leave?! But there was no way I could express those thoughts into words. We both knew that.

"There's a maintenance hatch that will let you out two blocks North…" I said quietly, unwillingly. There were unnecessary words, and I could feel your annoyance radiating off of you even without seeing your face. What did you expect me to do? Filthy hypocrite. Sometimes it was so easy to hate you.

"_I remember. _I used to come here often…" He didn't even try to hide the bitterness in his voice. "When we were partners…"

"Those were good times, huh, Rorschach?" I tried to make light of it, though I knew it would be unsuccessful. "What happened?"

"You _quit_…"

Thanks, Rorshach.

_Run away this time without you…  
And all the things you put me through…  
I'm holding on by letting go of you…_

In case you were wondering, I did get together with Laurie. After everything that happened- after losing you, I really just needed to be with someone. If I didn't let go of you… well, I probably would have ended up like you.

_And when that memory slips away…  
There'll be a better view from here…  
And only lonesome you remains…  
and just the thought of you I fear…  
it falls away…_

I'm allowed to move on, right? If I didn't… I'd probably end up in that asylum in the room next to Moth Man. Or worse- like you.

I shouldn't say that. If I was like you, maybe I would have died with you. Maybe I would have had more time with you. Maybe there would have been a bit more of a happy ending.

Yesterday was hell…  
But today I'm fine without you…  
Run away this time without you…  
And all I ever thought you'd be...

I still have your face. In all honesty, I probably wear it more than I wear the Night Owl mask. The inside of the mask, that directly touched your neigh-shaven face, always drenched in musty sweat, smells like you. I like it. Sometimes when the world is a dark, intoxicatingly frightening place, the best place to hide is in a place even darker. Inside of you.

_That face is tearing holes in me…  
but today I'm fine without you…  
Run away this time without you…  
_

The last words you ever spoke to me.

Never compromise. Not even in the face of Armageddon. That's always been the difference between us, Dan.

I don't mean to sound like Doctor Manhattan… but your death was exactly one hundred seconds later. Unconsciously, somehow, I had counted.

_And all the things you put me through…  
I'm holding on by letting go of you…_

To this day, I truly believe that if you were not the overly-conservative, devil –may-care Rorschach, who hated homosexuals with a fiery passion, you would have kissed me, in that last one hundred seconds of your life.

But if that wasn't who you were, I wouldn't have wanted you to kiss me so badly.

_And today I'm fine without you…  
Run away this time without you…  
And all I ever thought you'd be…_

My fingers graze the mask, trying to guess where the black splotches will move next. I fail.

_What do you see, Daniel?_

**I see Rorschach.**

_That face is tearing holes in me._

* * *

A/N

Ook. I didn't exactly put a lot of work into this. I was watching Watchmen for like the eighth time today... And here's the outcome. Now, I KNOW a bunch of people won't agree with this. You'll probaby say-- NO WAY! Rorschach and Night Owl are NOT gay!! Yeah, well I agree. They _aren't_ gay. These are probably two of the straightest super heroes in the business.

**That aside... I feel like their relationship has a sense of complexity that needs more than just a word like GAY to describe. Their best friends, and they love each other. Heck, Dan's probably Rorschach's ONLY friend, and Dan has like... Hollis... And that's it. As you can see... this isn't a lemon, because they AREN'T GAY. Especially since Rorshach's dead. I know the genre says it's romance, so it's implied there's romance between the two, which is ALSO true. Eh... explaining this isn't going anywhere...**

**This oneshot was about Daniel/Night Owl expressing how much he misses his best friend, who he loved VERY deeply. Feel free to review!! :D**


End file.
